That’s not a word!

I hate playing Scrabble.

You would think that it would be a perfect fit for me, being a word nerd such as I am. But I can’t stand it, because it’s not actually about words — it’s a contest to see who can better memorize the official Scrabble dictionary. If you have problems with grammar, you can always use the paper writer services.

The official Scrabble dictionary, mind you, is a load of crap.

I dare you to sit down one day and flip through it. Have a fun time discovering such words as “Qi: 1.) n vital, life-sustaining energy 2.) n A word my cheating grandmother made up to snap up that triple word score.” But try to play “burrito” and enjoy the ensuing debate about when a word officially stops being foreign.

Yes, I hate Scrabble. But I don’t want to talk about Scrabble, I want to talk about dictionaries.

THE GREAT DIVIDE

Whether you realize it or not, you fall into one of two camps. You are either A.) descriptivist or B.) prescriptivist. Quick, which are you?

I’ll help you out: Descriptivists define a language, i.e. spelling, grammar, and syntax, as they are commonly used. Prescriptivists define language as a system of rules, with little or no deviation. Prescriptivists are the ones who curse Webster every year when new words are added to the dictionary; descriptivists are the ones who yawn and say “That’s so six months ago.”

GOING WITH THE FLOW

Some people enjoy the ebb and flow of language. These descriptivists are hip and with it. They are, in fact, so hip and with it that they don’t say “hip” or “with it” anymore because only old people say “hip” and “with it.” They do such wacky things with language as using “Facebook” as a verb1, treat “like” as a punctuation mark, and invent gerunds more often than most people brush their teeth. They contend that language is the people’s, a tool to be used, not a set of rules to be followed. After all, if everyone understands what you’re saying, what’s the problem?

ORDER FROM CHAOS

On the other side of the chalkboard are the prescriptivists. They carry style guides and user manuals in their purses. If a word or phrasing has not been approved, codified, and accepted by both Fowler and Garner, it will not pass their lips. It most certainly will not make it into their writing, either. Playing it fast and loose when speaking is one thing, but to commit acts of linguistic graffiti on paper? Unfathomable. Sometimes, when they’ve had a few drinks, they like to gather in the corner and whisper things like “That is totally rad,” then giggle nervously. But when it comes time for business, they straighten their ties, smooth out their skirts, and follow the rules. Because rules create a common ground and make communication possible, and if no one’s following the rules, we’ll never be able to convey ideas to one another.

SO FRELLING WHAT?

Why should you care which side you fall into? They’re both widely accepted, so why judge?

There’s one simple reason: formal writing. Even if you’re so descriptivist that you’ve written letters to the editor about the vicious omission of “haz” and “cheezburger” from this year’s American Heritage Dictionary, you have to tighten up the reins when you’re writing formally. When you’re sending off your résumé, make sure that you’re not “an excellent googler.” Keep it all on the straight and narrow when you’re expecting money or a grade for your writing. It may seem stuffy, but it’ll totally save your bacon.

Useful resources:

RESEARCH PAPERS ON AIRBUS

Essay about IBM. is that hard?

Term Papers on India’s Caste System

Digital writer